« Home | Olympics Update IV » | The man I hate most in music » | Olympics Update III » | Okay, hold on...you're serious? » | Olympics Update II » | Stop crying, Davis » | Olympics Update » | Simply put...FMD » | Introduction »

Olympics Update V

Day 6 was far more interesting than Day 5. More figure skating, snowboard cross, and some good hockey. Still didn't see any curling though...Fuck you NBC. Are you showing it and I'm missing it or are you just being a bunch of dicks? I say the latter.

#1:
Uh oh! Things for the USA didn't get much better on Day 6. We are now fourth overall in the total medal count, just one above Canada. That's right folks, Canada. We are merely one medal above possibly the lamest country in the entire world. Terrible... Know what bothers me the most about Canada? It is terrible country yet they have the coolest national anthem.

Anyway, I'm almost ready to give up my belief that the USA shouldn't go for bronze medals because we are falling behind. Let's get it together America!

#2:
Russian homosexual Yvyengeyvyeygye Pluskheysncieko (close enough) wins the gold medal and fellow homosexual Johnny Weir sucks it hard (haha) and ends up in fifth place. He played it safe and then got angry when the judges gave him low marks. Hey Johnny, it's the motherfucking Olympics and you have to bring your best routine or you will get shitty marks. It's not like I'm judging you out there, these people actually know what constitutes good figure skating and you didn't do it so quit crying. He essentially blamed it on the bus schedule and said that he felt "black inside." I don't even know where to take that.

#3:
Handsome stallion Seth Wescott wins the first ever gold in Men's Snowboarding Cross which is basically just snowboarding down a mountain on a pre-established course. It reminds me so much of Cool Boarders and is quickly becoming my second favorite Winter Olympic sport. It seems weird to see people crash since you figure they're the best in the world at what they do. I have to say that it makes me feel so much better about my myself to see professional snowboarders fall down.

#4:
The US hockey team made Kazakhstan look silly with an impressive 4-1 win after simply tying Latvia yesterday. Latvia is, of course, a country only made famous by an episode of Seinfeld in which George Costanza converts to Latvian Orthodox in order to impress a woman. Hopefully we are on the right track now.

I'm heading home tomorrow, maybe I'll be able to catch some curling this weekend.