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Olympics Update VI, VII, and VIII

I've been home and sick all weekend, so I decided to condense days 7, 8, and 9 into one post. Don't worry, I'm feeling much better. I've started a strict one-V8-a-day program that should put me on the road to recovery.

#1:
Those relentless Nazies have taken the total medal count away from the Norwegians and the USA is in a 3 way tie for third place with the Commies and America Jr. (Canada for those of you not in the know) I told you those nutty Norwegians would crumble.

#2:
Although she is an American, I can't help but laugh at and criticize Lindsey Jacobellis. For anyone who didn't see this hilariousness, Jacobellis was in first place by a considerable margin in women's snowboarding cross and on the final jump tried a grab but didn't land it. She was passed by some Swiss chick and had to settle for the silver. She did cost the USA a gold medal, but it was so funny that I can't really be mad at her. It wasn't even a difficult grab, which makes it even more amusing. She tried to play it off, but I know she killed something. A dog perhaps...possibly a spectator she lured back to her trailer. How embarrassing Jaco. I know you are pissed off and you'll probably go into some type of depression, but I won't feel sorry for you, you deserve it.

#3:
Estonia won the gold in Men's Cross-Country Skiing: 15km Classical. This begs a number of questions.
Where the hell is Estonia?
What makes it "classical?"
Why not just use miles?
Holy shit, do you have any idea how hard it is to cross-country ski 15km?

#4:
Congratulations go out to Shani Davis who is the first black male ever, in the history of the Winter Olympics, to win an individual gold medal. That seems very hard to believe, but it's true. The fact that it is true substantiates what Bryant Gumbel said and has taken so much crap for. One black male has won a gold since the Winter Olympics started in 1924, back when it was known as "The International Winter Sports Week." I'd say that qualifies as a "paucity."



#5:
Curling! Hell yeah! I got to watch my favorite event this week and I was as giddy as a schoolgirl. The top 4 teams go into the semi-final bracket after all of the qualifying matches and currently Finland is in first, followed by the USA, England, and the underachieving Canadians. Italy upset Canada and the only reason they have a team is b/c they are the host country! Oh geez! Canada vs. USA is Monday at 2:00pm and I think I might have to miss class for that one. I'm serious. (How sad is that?)

#6:
I love Bode Miller. That crazy drunken fool screws himself again by running into a gate marker. He was soooo trashed for this race, he didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of winning. I don't know what else I can say about this moron. He has 2 events left and will probably fuck up again and pretend like he doesn't care. Go compete for Canada you alcoholic douchebag.

#7:
Apolo Anton Ohno got beat by not 1, but 2 Koreans and won a bronze medal. Boooo! Ohno was supposed to win gold in everything he competed. I didn't watch the race, did he screw up again? Has Bode Miller gotten to this kid? What is going on? You're an overrated, miserable excuse for a skater Ohno. So I repeat, Boooooooo!

#8:
The Italian police raided the Austrian Biathalon team's quarters looking for drugs after being tipped off from the IOC. I assume they mean drugs like pot, cocaine, meth, etc. because there is no way they could have been looking for steroids. Have you seen how many medals the Austrian team has won in biathalon? The answer is zero. The German Biathalon team was not checked even though they have been doing great in the biathalon. This is b/c everyone knows that Nazies love to shoot guns.

Other stuff happened, Canada got robbed in their hockey game w/ the Swiss. The US lost another hockey game. (The men, I don't care for women's hockey in the least.) Ice dancing took place. More skating. More skiing. More stuff that doesn't involve the US so is therefore meaningless. Go America!