Wednesday, March 29, 2006

News of the day!

Oh Scientology...you're like a real religion's dirty, redneck second-cousin. The only thing I know about Scientology is that its become famous by attaching itself to celebrities. So I guess Scientology is a movie...?

Anyway, Scientology follower and crazy ass Tom Cruise doesn't want Katie Holmes to make any noise during childbirth so he gave her an iPod and plans to put up giant posters essentially reminding her to "Shut the hell up!" If you're wondering why, it's because silence during childbirth is apparently some kind of nutty Scientology law, although I've read that it's not really a law, just a personal choice some women Scientologists make. Now I'm one of the few people left in America who likes Tom Cruise, but since he's not the one going through excruciating pain, I'd say that he's the one who should keep his mouth closed. I mean, no yelling? Look at the picture, he's gonna go nuts when he sees this kid!

I don't really have anything against Scientology, other than the fact that it makes people crazy and probably makes no sense. Of course, Tom Cruise, but also this Scientologist lady (Ms. Dunstan) who was quoted in the story I read.

"The silent birth was about making sure her daughter was as 'healthy and happy as possible,' Ms. Dunstan said. 'It actually wasn't that difficult, because you know what effects it [noise] could have.' 'I've had friends who didn't have silent births and their children are heavy asthmatics, where my daughter has always been a healthy child.'"

Her friends yelling made her kid an asthmatic? I'm no shrink, but I know that this lady needs to see one. Because Ms. Dunstan is right out of her fuckin' mind. She's crazy. And that's what Scientology is all about.

Although it has yet to be finalized, Indiana is going to make Kelvin Sampson their new head coach. It's a surprise move as nearly everyone belived it was going to be Randy Wittman, who used to play basketball at IU under legendary coach Bob Knight. Most people thought it would be Wittman, perhaps even Steve Alford, because both are "Coach Knight guys," meaning that they supposedly know what Indiana basketball is all about. Even Mike Davis suggested in his exit that Indiana hire a coach who is "one of their own."

I don't really think this is a racial statement, although it can certainly be interpreted that way. Indiana obviously doesn't care about race as Sampson is a black man, but hiring him as already got people stirring. Again, not because he's black (I hope), but because IU decided to break the Chain of Knight. As much as I like Bob Knight, I think Sampson's hiring is a good thing because maybe now Indiana can get over the fact that Bob Knight is gone. Sampson doesn't have a great tournament record and his graduation rate isn't that good, but the latter is just an excuse people use to criticize him because nobody really cares about graduation rates.

The thing that bothers me about the whole situation is that many with ties to IU and IU basketball are already griping about Sampson before he has even been introduced as coach. I really hope Sampson gets at least 3 years to put together the team he wants before people start calling for his head. He does have an excellent record which will probably buy him more time than Davis had, but I'm still worried.

Kelvin Sampson also has a great name which will allow me to shout things like "Mighty Sampson takes the court!" Related with this issue, I don't think Coach Sampson should ever cut his hair. I predict that everytime he gets a haircut IU will lose at least one game.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Google Earth completes me

Nothing I have ever looked at on my computer has satisfied me the way Google Earth does, not even porn. It's not that I get off virtually traveling around the world, it's a different kind of satisfaction. Google Earth fulfills me in such a more enjoyable and meaningful way, something porn could never understand.

I have always liked traveling, but I have no resources in which to do it. But with Google Earth, I have already been to Paris, Rome, the Vatican, Moscow, Las Vegas, Johannesburg, Tokyo, Cairo, Mexico City, New York, Iceland, Brazil, Rio De Janeiro, London, Beijing, Sydney, and Pamela Anderson's house. Wow, just call me Magellan.

This program should keep you busy for hours. Longer if you're high, but most of that time would probably be spent searching for yourself as you wave your arm out the nearest window.

Do yourself a favor and get it.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Unanswered Questions

Disclaimer: This post is not for the closed minded. Seriously, if you don't want to hear things you may not like, go visit a much better website or do something else, don't read this.

The time is currently 12:36 on Monday, the 27th of March, 2006. My Sunday night leading up to this point has been spent watching a video, nearly an hour and a half in length, about the events of September 11, 2001. I remember exactly where I was that day and I remember watching every single piece of horror unfold. It didn't make sense at the time to question what happened, even now it's considered insensitive, unpatriotic, even villainous to question what may or may not have happened that day. But just because it seems wrong, does that mean no one should ask questions?

The video I have been watching, along with a few of my housemates, was put together by a group called Loose Change. What they present is a video arguing that what reportedly happened on 9/11 didn't, in fact, happen. If you care to watch it I have put a link down below, I'd just like to preface the video with some textual relations.

For the most part, the video is all fact. Loose Change went to great lengths to find out what happened that day and there is great video, audio, and documented evidence to support its claim. However, the narrator can't help but take jabs at our government and some government officials from time to time. Loose Change also does a good job of answering questions that one would inevitably ask while watching the video. After watching it twice (Yes twice, I know I could've been doing homework, but I find this fascinating) I have essentially only 3 questions.

(1) Who could have possibly authorized the strategic death of thousands of Americans?
(2) Who really stands to benefit? Why would the government do this just to gain more control of its citizens? There has to be easier ways of doing it.
(3) If all the conspiracies are wrong, why isn't the government saying anything?

I'm not saying what Loose Change presents actually happened. There are parts I disagree with and, in cases like these, there is usually some evidence they left out to make one side look better than another. What I am saying is that much of the evidence speaks for itself and if you are not opened minded you will simply ignore the evidence or cast it off as lies. Exercise common sense when watching this video and understand what makes something fact or opinion. While my third question cannot obviously be addressed by this video, my first two are. There is not much hard evidence given by Loose Change to support my second question, just a little bit at the end, but if the government has all this money Loose Change talks about, why is the deficit so large? As for my first question, Loose Change can't really answer it. The only thing they say about it is that once you get past the obvious question of "Who's responsible?" then can you see that things don't add up. I don't know who'd be to blame and that's what bothers me the most. I can, however, objectively watch this video without getting upset.

There is more at their website including some video about missiles attached to one of the planes that crashed into the WTC. Believe it fully, partially, or not at all, the video is very interesting and I encourage everyone to watch it. As a wise man told me, "Take it with a grain of salt."

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Dislikes II

Here's some more stuff I don't care for:

  • Skinny Lindsey Lohan – She’s looked awful for far too long. Get her off the blow and get her some barbequed pork ASAP.
  • Angry college janitors – You don’t go to college, you just work at one so you’re not allowed to cop an attitude. Now, clean up that lasagna.
  • Carlos Mencia – Nothing he has ever said or done has made me laugh. Ever. He’s not original and he’s not even Mexican. He’s half German and half Honduran and his real name is Ned Holness. Just ask Joe Rogan.
  • Schoolwork – Don’t have time for it. And what is all of this “reading” about?
  • Powerade - I got news for you Powerade...you're no Gatorade. How many flavors do you have, Powerade?! Like 4? Gatorade could sell 4 different flavors of urine and make more money than you.
  • Fabolous - I'm tired of you preaching your message of illiteracy. You know damn well the word "fabulous" is spelled with a u.
  • Around the Horn - If you like headaches, than this is your show! What I like about it is that you can easily recreate it at home. Just get 4 people around you (2 of them have to be complete morons) and then have them all start yelling at you. That's Around the Horn.
  • The name "Sean" - It's not that I dislike people with this name, my problem is that it makes no sense because if you sound it out, it's nothing like "Shawn." You'd pronounce this name "Seen" or "See-ann." This is why the English language is so hard for foreigners to understand.
  • Death by guillotine - What does "cruel" and "unusual" mean anyway? I don't think killing people with a guillotine is cruel, as long as it's done right. And it was used all the time in places like France so it's not really unusual. I think it'd act as a crime deterrent, too. That thing is intimidating.
  • Chairs without padding - It's 2006, all chairs should be comfortable by now.
  • Running out of ideas - I hate it when this happens because you inevitably wind up talking about chairs.

E201

Right now I am sitting the balcony of my microeconomics class, listening to Talib Kweli, and typing. Isn't wireless internet the best? Anyway, I decided to give you a minute by minute review of this class, just in case you were wondering what I do at 11:15 on a Thursday.

11:15 - Class is supposed to start now, but it's not. This class has like 300 people in it and the lazy jerks are still wandering in.

11:17 - Class has started and I have been forced to remove my headphones. I could probably keep them in, but I forget what the TAs in this class look like and I don't want to be yelled at. Maybe I'll put them in later when everyone falls asleep.

11:19 - We are reviewing the end of Tuesday's class. I should take this time to point out that I already know a great deal about microeconomics, that is why I can waste time writing this. I essentially took this class last year in high school, so I know 98% of what is being said.

11:21 - Professor Self is talking about Average Fixed Cost or AFC. This is very easy to comprehend, but he will spend at least 2 minutes discussing it.

11:23 - Still talking about AFC only he's tied it to Average Variable Cost.

11:24 - He's talking about some other types of Cost Curves now. This looks less familiar, but I think he's leading up to Economies of Scale so I won't pay too much attention.

11:25 - I'm looking around the room and no one appears to be asleep yet. This will soon change. You see, Professor Self speaks with a monotone. Not only does he speak with a monotone, but it is a calm and soothing monotone which is very easy to sleep to. If I had the technology, I would record his voice so that I would be able to fall asleep much faster at night.

11:29 - It's funny when he asks a question in this class because no one wants to answer him. Everyone is afraid to get a question wrong with this many people in the room. Long moments of awkward silence = hilarious.

11:31 - Some weird looking guy is trying not to draw attention to himself by sneaking around the room as he attempts to fix the broken projector. It's not working. He just looks more crazy.

11:32 - We're supposed to be doing something...

11:33 - This kid in front of me is looking at Playboy models on his laptop. Hahaha, awesome!

11:34 - Oh, we're supposed to be drawing cost curves. No one understands. I have to say that I don't understand what he wants either, but I've been busy.

11:35 - Dane just left. Now no one is talking to me on AIM.

11:37 - I have spent the last 2 minutes editing this.

11:38 - The creepy looking pedophile guy has fixed the projector. One person clapped.

11:40 - I am thinking about putting my headphones in, but I actually am taking in a bit of knowledge even as I type.

11:44 - I just downloaded the lecture notes and filled in the part we are discussing. After reading it, I realize this was completely unnecessary. I essentially just copied, "A change in variable input changes the Average Variable Cost curve." Horrible.

11:46 - I just checked Webster's Online Dictionary to make sure I spelled "unnecessary" right. I did.

11:48 - Just looked around the balcony again. People are growing restless. Heads are leaned against hands. Wait... I do! I see the first person sleeping! Yeah!

11:50 - That kid woke up. Maybe he was just resting his eyes. I also just realized that this is going to be a long post.

11:51 - I'm doing more self-reflection. I need to read more. I usually just read right before the test comes up. Surprisingly, this works for me. This is a combination of easy classes and fine-tuned recall abilities. This can't last forever, though.

11:53 - These three guys sitting in the row below resemble the Three Stooges. The guy in the middle is totally Larry. On the right we have Curly. The guy on the left doesn't really look like Moe, he looks like something...I can't really say what. He just has an average goofball look.

11:55 - I just saved this post. I don't want to lose all of this awesomeness.

11:57 - I see a few nappers. I'd probably be asleep right now if I didn't have my laptop.

11:58 - This guy names Joe has been picked to draw a short-run ATC curve. He's not enthused.

12:03 - I'm getting hungry.

12:06 - I need to put a picture on this post, but I can't decide what it should be. I'll do it later when I get back to my room.

12:07 - I'm talking to Jamie online now. I have to fill out this scantron sheet that says I was in class today. I guess you just have to be here physically.

12:11 - Class is almost over. Joe is up there again drawing curves.

12:15 - I'm filling out the scantron sheet now thanks to a nice fellow who lent me his pencil.

12:17 - Class is letting out for some reason. It's supposed to go to 12:30. Oh well. Time for lunch.

12:56 - I couldn't decide what to use for a picture. So I just used a globe.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Greatest Achievement Ever!

This is Candace Parker who made world history by dunking not once...BUT TWICE IN A SINGLE BASKETBALL GAME! HOLY SHIT! Move over Susan B. Anthony, Candace Parker has taken your place as the most influential woman of all time.

Sportscenter should have showed more of her dunking!! How dare they only show it 94 times! How dare they pretend that it wasn't the greatest athletic achievement in the history of mankind! She is 6' 3", has long arms, and has been playing basketball all of her life so OF COURSE her ability to dunk is the most amazing feat I have ever witnessed! I mean, did you see when she dunked at the McDonald's High School All American dunk contest?! Weren't those the greatest dunks ever?!?! Like when she just jumped up and dunked it? That was great! And when she pretended to cover her eyes? SOOOOO COOL!!!

I mean once would have been cool, but TWICE?! Get right outta town! I mean the picture clearly shows how forceful her dunk was! And they didn't even show a picture of the other one! What the hell, ESPN?! Are you trying to downplay this dinosauric event because she happens to be a woman?! So what if women's basketball isn't as entertaining or high scoring? So what if there have only been 5 teams to ever win a women's basketball championship, parity doesn't matter, right? So what if women's basketball is boring and has less talented players? So what if most people would rather gouge out their eyes with a broken rusty lightbulb than watch a women's basketball game? ESPN should do a biography on Candace Parker right now!! She should run for president! We should name America after her!

FUCK YOU NEIL ARMSTRONG! YOU HAVEN'T ANYTHING TO BE PROUD OF! NOT LIKE CANDACE PARKER WHO DUNKED TWICE IN A SINGLE BASKETBALL GAME!

Dislikes I

Here's a partial list of people/things that bother me:

  • Sean Salisbury - He doesn't know as much as he likes to think he does and he doesn't own up to his mistakes
  • Clay Aiken - Just really annoying. You lost, asshole! Go away! Why does that song "Invisible" have to be so damned catchy? Part of me died inside when I downloaded it.
  • Gas prices - I payed 10 bucks for 4 and a half gallons of gasoline. What the hell?! Where's your energy plan Bush?! I'm getting raped over here!
  • Axe - Not only do I dislike the smell of it, but I find the company to be racist. Of the 2 black guys on their "Gamekillers" thing, one is athletic and the other is dumb. Also, they have a commercial where a black guy is on a date with a black girl, but all he fantasizes about are white women. White women are more desirable, Axe? Fuck you, buddy.
  • Local commercials - They are always so poorly done. And why does every single one have approximately 12 ugly jerks talking into the camera? Don't these assholes know any attractive people?
  • Bono - I can't remember the last time you made a good song you fucking hypocrite. Quit blaming others for world poverty and world hunger. How many millions do you have, you prick?!
  • Kevin Federline - I'm pretty sure he's just a hologram. No human being could be this fucking out of their mind. What a horrible "person." If you are real, I hope you die in a horrible and embarrassing fashion as soon as possible.
  • Black Eyed Peas - Remember when you used to make good music?
  • Heroin - You've ruined too many lives, heroin. How do you live with yourself?
  • The Pussycat Dolls - You make crummy music and none of you have ever had sex with me. Not even once.
  • The KKK - This is my stance on the KKK...If you wanna be a member, you have to be castrated and give up any kids you may already have. If you wanna hate people go ahead, but we don't need you teaching your kids to hate. I also heard this somewhere and found it amusing. "If they are supposed to be the master race, how come they can't spell "clan" right?"
That's all for now.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscars 2006

I'm supposed to be doing homework, but instead I'll break down Oscar night. My priorities are not in order whatsoever.

Let's start with Jon Stewart. He has been getting a lot of mixed reviews about his hosting job, most saying that he wasn't funny and he was bland. Chris Rock got the exact same reviews last year. People like Jon Stewart and Chris Rock can't be as funny as they want to be because of the crazy FCC regulations and the stuck up Academy. If they did go out and do their best material, they would get criticized for that, too. Let's just accept that the Oscars is boring. It always has been and always will be. Stewart (and Rock for that matter) were both great at being funny under the Academy's microscope. Stewart's best line? "For those of you keeping score at home: Martin Scorsese, zero; Three 6 Mafia, one."

The funniest part of the night were the Stephen Colbert voiced slander commercials. I cannot find them online anywhere, but hopefully they will be up in the next few days. The sound editing one was funny, but the best two were the ones created for the Best Actress category. In one, Keira Knightley was compared with Charlize Theron who has been "Hagging it up" in her recent movies. Knightley is described as having "crazy hotness" and cheekbones flecked with "God-dust." All of which are true. In the other, old people comment on the un-American sounding names of all the other actresses and decide that Reese Witherspoon is a great name and she should win. You really have to see them, they're not really funny if you try and describe them. I'm sorry I just wasted your time.

George Clooney has entered my top 3 of Hollywood badasses. Denzel is first, Harrison Ford is second, and Clooney is currently third, nudging Tom Cruise down to fourth. Being a Hollywood badass means that you are so good looking, rich, and talented that you can do whatever the hell you want, say whatever the hell you want and not care about the consequences. Also being a Hollywood badass means that no one could ever get too mad at what you said. Like if Clooney called everyone "douchebags" when he won. People would just go, "Oh man! That's George Clooney! He's awesome! He just called everyone douchebags!"

I don't care to talk about the awards. I called every single one except Best Supporting Actress, but that's like the lamest one anyway. I am glad Crash won. Anyone who doesn't like Crash is a racist. That's right, I said it. People who brush off Crash are completely ignorant and are usually Republicans who like to ignore all the racial problems in our world today. They think Affirmative Action is wrong, but not the war in Iraq. They don't understand the movie and what it was trying to say so they say it's a bad film but have no logical explanation as to why it was bad. Fuck all of you. You can say that Brokeback Mountain should have won, but you can't just say that Crash wasn't a powerful movie. It's not the best movie about racial tensions I have seen, but the movie is done incredibly well and Crash deserves its award.

I don't want to get into all the fashion because everyone kinda looks the same at these things, but what the hell was Charlize Theron wearing on her shoulder? I don't get it. Who told her that was attractive? Boooo!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Women I'm currently in love with...

This is Hayley Williams and I would marry her. Next week, next month, or right this second; it doesn't matter. Hayley is the lead singer of the band Paramore and has an incredible voice. The fact that she is only 17 makes her voice even more amazing. Without Hayley, Paramore is just more emo kids playing music. Since I don't know where else you can watch their video "Pressure," I will send you to my friend Andrew's myspace site (http://myspace.com/swannyatthedisco). Hurry though, I don't know how long he'll have the video up. Andrew said he would also marry her, which is really saying something if you know anything at all about him. (Although he's obviously lying.) There are more pictures of her at www.Paramore.net and I encourage all heterosexual males to view them. While you may look at her, you will never be allowed to touch her because she is mine.

If things don't work out with Hayley, I will gladly take Carly Patterson, whom I am also currently in love with. (I don't know what it is about me and girls who were born in 1988...CREEPY!!) Anyway, you may remember her from the 2004 Summer Olympics and if you are a teenaged boy (as I was) you definitely remember her. She was the standout gymnast on an American team that took silver in the team competition. She also won individual gold in the all-around and silver in the balance beam. She has her own website - www.carlypatterson.com - in which i recently told her that I loved her. It is full of pictures and information about her, yay! She also is trying to make her name in the music business. I couldn't find any of her songs to download and I am anxiously awaiting her arrival into the world of song.

Also, I'm in love with Monica Freeman because she likes to read my blog. When people tell me that they read this nonsense I feel a strange combination of pride and pity. Why anyone would waste their time reading all my nonsensical thoughts I haven't the foggiest, but thanks nonetheless. Again, feel free to comment on any story. I changed the settings so you don't have to be a member of this blog business to tell me that I suck. I enjoy reading comments more than you enjoyed reading anything I have written...trust me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Is it 1968?

I'm not even close to being this cool.

I can only dream about being cool enough to put up a peace sign whenever my picture is taken or whenever I say goodbye to someone or whenever my grandmother asks me how I'm doing. Hippies everywhere are rejoicing knowing that their trademark sign hasn't died off, but instead been passed on to the common douchebag. You see pictures like this all the time - on Facebook and MySpace - of people much cooler than you showing that they are against the war in Vietnam. Sorry, I mean tools. They are showing you that they are tools.


Excessive flashing of the peace sign has spread beyond the realm of douchey frat guys into the realm of just regular douchey guys. As has been pointed out to me, pictures such as these are like a carwreck, you just can't stop looking at them no matter how awful they may be. For more tips on spotting a douchebag, visit this site.

(My apologies to those I actually like who have succumbed to this terrible illness. This is merely a political statement, don't take it personally.)

Peace out.