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Blasphemous!

So I'm watching The Colbert Report the other night and Stephen is talking about how some sciencey guys are questioning the validity of Jesus walking on water. I looked it up online and found this article.

The first thing I notice when I read this is that the research was done by Israelis. Israel, huh? As it turns out, all Israelis are Jewish. (I looked it up.) Haven't these Jesus-haters done enough to him already? First you kill the guy and now you wanna discredit his miracles? How about you concentrate on peace talks and the like, you got more pressing issues to deal with, Israel.

I read further and realize that Florida State and Columbia University are also involved in this little science project. First off, in the new issue of Playboy magazine, Florida State is the 6th ranked party school. (Two places behind Indiana University I might add.) Are we actually supposed to believe that the 6th ranked party school in America knows anything about science?

Columbia University does have a history of being intelligent, but what have you done for me lately? I mean, the best thing Columbia has going right now is its football team whose best player is a kicker! (Although he is an incredibly manly kicker who is unbelievably sexy and talented.)

These findings were published in the April 2006 issue of the Journal of Paleolimnology. Now, I'm no paleolimnologist, and that's because there is no such thing. Paleolimnology is a made up word. Scientists love to make up words, such as:

Rutherfordium...Enzyme...Coronagraph...etc.

I could go on all day.

Even if paleolimnology was real, it's a Canadian science journal. Haha, get right outta town! Canada knows as much about science as they do about warm, sandy beaches or finishing college or attractive women or black people. Canada is a miserable hellhole.

After losing all credibility in the first 3 paragraphs, the article goes on to say...

"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah water blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ice blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah camouflage blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

I'm paraphrasing, of course.

The article gets bogged down in sciencey terms and gibber-gabber that could have been summed up in this statement.

"Jesus probably didn't walk on water because it may have been cold and there possibly was some ice."

Wow, thanks guys.

What I didn't see was any mention of Peter. He walked upon the same sea, but fell in when he became frightened and questioned Jesus. Why didn't Jesus fall if both men were walking on the same icy sea? And how was the ship sailing out there? Even if the disciples had somehow decided that it'd be fun to push a boat out on the ice and sit there chatting, they wouldn't have been amazed when Jesus started walking toward them.

The report says it may have been a "floating ice patch." Ice doesn't just follow people as they walk, it's not a dog. And that theory still doesn't explain Peter walking on the water. Did his ice raft melt or something?

In closing, as Stephen Colbert pointed out, even if all of this bullshit were true, Jesus still walked on ice in sandals, and that's a miracle in itself.

you're the man

I really like this Alex. In fact, I like your whole blog. And I like you too. :-)

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