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Does my insurance cover that?

Mark Souder is the congressman of Indiana's 3rd Congressional District and he's supposed to honor his constituency. So when I had questions about our national security, I figured I could turn to him. I saw an impending crisis and I felt that maybe the United States government could use my help. I mean, they deal with so many issues on a daily basis that I thought maybe this one had slipped through the cracks. This is my helpful email to Congressman Souder.

"Hello Congressman Souder, my name is Alex. My friend Shaina and I were talking recently and the subject of zombie puppies came up. I don't know if the current U.S. Military policy has a plan for dealing with zombies, but we believe that if the zombies figure out how to turn puppies into zombies that the country, nay, the world, would be in grave danger. You see, a zombie puppy's adorableness would lure people in and then it would attack with it's deadly zombie powers. Although the zombie decaying process may lessen their cuteness, their adorable trot and melodious bark would certainly be enough to lure in even the most cold-hearted man. I think you should bring up the zombie agenda in Congress if there is no plan for it already. Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.

Alex Kenny"

That rat bastard obviously doesn't care about the security of our nation and he will not be receiving my vote in November after sending this back...

"Thank you for your e-mail message. The overwhelming volume of e-mail I receive on a daily basis requires me to use an auto-reply e-mail to handle your message more efficiently. Rest assured that I will send detailed, written responses in hard copy format via U.S. mail to residents of Indiana's Third Congressional District. However, only e-mail messages that include a return address within northeast and north-central Indiana will receive a letter. You may wish to visit the following link to view a very brief video clip of how my office handles e-mail:

Also, I encourage you to visit my Web site, at http://www.Souder.House.Gov, where you will find information about Congress and the federal government, as well as many of my legislative positions detailed for your convenience.

If you are contacting my office about a specific problem that you are having with a federal agency, please call my district office at (260) 424-3041, or toll-free within northeastern and north-central Indiana at 1-800-959-3041, and a caseworker will be glad to assist you.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact me with your views.


Mark E. Souder
Member of Congress"

"Taking the time?!" Don't you get it?! We're running out of time, Souder! I don't know how long I'll be able to resist the zombie puppies! You better get your ass in gear and represent me or we're all fucked!

The following is Shaina's version of the dreaded zombie puppy followed by mine.

You got balls like Stephen Colbert's.

yay! i love our conversations. we rock!

much love,

co-president of the Zombie Puppy Brigade.... :p

What is that yellow stuff? Is it dangerous?

very dangerous...very extremely dangerous

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