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Mmmm...sooo good.

Oh, Founder's Day. I love you so much. I can't get enough of people telling me how smart I am. Mmmmmm, it's delicious like candy. Oh, how I love the sweet nectar of praise. Mmmm, I need it. It's like heroin, I just need the affirmation of others flowing through my bloodstream. Oh, what an addictive rush.

For those not in the know, Founder's Day is a excuse for IU to show smart kid's parents that IU really cares about it's student body, at least those students who get a 3.5 or better. I am always opposed to these academic ceremonies because they try to pretend that it's geared towards the students when this is anything but the truth. Founder's Day consisted of IU's faculty glorifying themselves and listening to themselves talk for an hour and a half while I tried to survive the asinine conversation of the empty-headed blondes behind me and their incessant giggling. How they got a 3.5 I haven't the foggiest.

Anyway, my borderline ADD starts acting up and my friend Matt and I start discussing funny things we could do. He suggests falling and I happen to mention that I am an expert in fake falls. Matt doesn't think that I have the guts to fake fall in front of this many people. He obviously doesn't know me very well. So after I walk on stage and shake hands with IU's president, I attempt to descend the stairs on the other side of the stage. I "miss" the last step and bite it hard on McCracken Court which is only thinly covered with some red carpet. (My knee will corroborate my story. I say it's only a good fake fall if you really hurt yourself.)

Anyway, everyone who saw it gasped in awe which almost made me bust out laughing and some faculty that was nearby rushed to my aid. Matt was trying his best to not laugh as he pretended to care if I was okay. His parents had a video camera but said that they didn't get my fall. They didn't realize that it was premeditated. (Like I said, I'm pretty good at falling.) I don't want to toot my own horn here, but it was pretty hilarious. The airheads behind me even told me how great it was thereby stopping the respect freefall they had been in.

The moral of this story is that when bored out of my mind for an hour and a half I'm willing to humiliate myself if it lightens the mood for others. What can I say? I'm a giver.

You're a giver?!?! You can see the colored past! Escape this world of black and white Alex! Escape! But don't freeze to death.

Haha here i didn't think anything could top your fake fall at wendy's back in the day, but because of your audience size, I'd have to assume you succeeded yesterday. Must have been all that practice we had back in the hallways of Lane Middle School

hallways of lane? how about walking to jons house and all those lightpoles?

very true, dane. although you could never duplicate the side-splitting original fall. that was probably the best fake fall i've ever seen.

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