Sunday, May 07, 2006

Happy now?

I don't wanna update, Kelly! It's summer! I'm watching Shaft for crying out loud! I like the movies where no one can shoot the good guy, it's amusing. Just for fun, here's some stuff I've been thinking about.

1) David Blaine - I was fine when he was just doing street tricks and pretending to levitate, but what he's doing now just bothers me. (Just like it bothers everyone else.) It's not even magic for Pete's sake. The buried alive thing, ice cube thing, the hanging thing, and now the water bubble/holding your breath thing. They're all just that; things, annoying little things. The ability to live without eating doesn't make you a magician. Who do you think you are? People don't eat all the time, it's called fasting. (Sometimes it's called anorexia.) Please stop taking LSD so you can't come up with any more of your crazy ideas.

2) Robin Williams - Robin Williams has a time-tested reputation for being funny, I guess that's why he can get away all of the shit he's been doing on talk shows these past few weeks promoting RV. If you haven't seen it, it's literally a bunch of mumbling, bad impressions, miscellaneous sounds, grunting, goofy gestures, and exaggerated facial expressions. He wasn't already established as a "funny" guy, no one would be laughing at him as every talk show audience has been. This saddens me because I find Robin Williams to be hilarious on stage. His stand-up is intelligent, very well timed, and super filthy. I wish he'd go back to stand-up instead of doing movies. I also hope that he isn't heading down the Eddie Murphy path where a hilarious superstar starts making numerous kiddie movies/horrible shitty movies and everyone ends up forgetting how amazingly funny they are.

Hey, here's some other stuff:

3) House is a really good show, I like Prison Break too.

4) The NBA playoffs have been very entertaining, and not just because of all the fighting.

5) It's summer. Did you know that? Oh, I'm sorry...what's that you say? Summer doesn't start until June 20 something? Well then, why can I sleep all day, stay up all night, get sunburned, and play outside all day? It's summer, you summer/America-hating jackass.

6) Shut up Cory Lidle. You are nothing. You are no one. Stop trying to get your name in the paper. Your children hate you and so does your wife. Your parents tell other people they don't know you. You're a miserable excuse for a human being. I want to break a bat over your face. I hope you take a line drive to the temple. You in a coma = everyone being happy. You're a failure at life.

7) The ending to A History of Violence sucked. Sucked really badly. Ghost Dog was way better.

8) When you pronounce the "h" in a word like "history" you don't use the article "an," you use "a". Saying something was "an historic event" is wrong. Dead wrong. Don't ever say that.

Shaft is over and I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Dislikes III

I'm leaving IU soon and while I could go on and on about things I liked about my first year here, I will instead focus on the negatives. I'm such a pessimist...

  • Stairs - I only live on the third floor and I still developed a hatred of stairs. (Except spiral staircases, I still love them.) Are escalators really out of the question?
  • This one guy - I don't know his name, but the other day some guy was really really upset that I was filling up my water bottle. I turned around b/c I thought it was one of my friends, but it was this guy giving me the dirtiest look ever. It was so funny.
  • My microwave - It's small and it always burns my popcorn. It's really loud, too.
  • Puddles - Have you seen these things?! They get your feet wet and it's no fun to show up to class with wet feet.
  • Cell phone Sallies - I don't care what you do in your personal life, but if it's not too much to ask, I'd rather not hear about it as I walk behind you. Thanks.
  • Complainers - There is literally a thousand places to go on campus, why do you need to sit in your room listening to me throw a lacrosse ball against my wall and then bitch about it? It's not late you asshole, quit crying.
  • Hobos - They wander into buildings and scare you when they come out of bathroom stalls. They find their way into the dorms and steal your clothes out of the dryers. They're evil, pure evil.
  • Liberals - I'm tired of these tree-hugging professors promoting their liberal agendas on us poor, defenseless college students. You don't get to decide how awful President Bush is! Only he can dictate what a terrible president he is!
  • Those one guys - I'm not making this up, there are two guys at the end of my floor who I have never heard speak. Not once. I don't know their names or even if they're real. They might be very advanced holograms, no one knows for sure.
  • Leaving - It won't be fun, but I need to make some money and get away from schoolwork. College is a wonderful thing. I have met some great people and I look forward to next year.
Last post at IU until the fall! Gah! See everyone (most of you anyway) back home.