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Special Halloween Post

All Hollow's Eve is nearly upon us and I have taken it upon myself to search through numerous costumes to tell you what's what.

Shitty Vampire Costume...
In case you can't see the back, it reads "this IS my costume. get over it." Guys, don't wear this. If I see you wearing this I'll beat your fucking brains out. Get over it.

Kelly Osbourne...
Mother: What do you want to be for Halloween, dear?

Teen: I know what I want to be, Mom! I want to be a chubby talentless retard!

Mother: Well, then it sure is a good thing I picked up this Kelly Osbourne costume for you!

Enough said.

Sexy Uncle Sam...?I've never heard the words "sexy" and "Uncle Sam" used together before. Probably not a good idea for a costume then.

Winter Nymph...This costume costs 60 bucks, but it'd be cheaper if you just took a bunch of shredded paper and stapled it to your clothes.

Sassy Sacrilegious Sister...
Personally, I think this is pretty fucked up. Any slutty costume with three visible crosses on it somehow just doesn't sit right. If you like this/wear this, then I hope this is your last Halloween.

Dungeon Mistress...I proposed this costume idea to my girlfriend and even offered to be the guy in the background wearing the leather chaps and the neato "Slave" t-shirt. I don't really know how to make myself look all hazy like that, but I'm sure I could figure it out. She didn't go for it.

Sweetie Fairy Child...
Why does the Sweetie Fairy Child need an axe?

Basketball Player...Finally my WNBA fantasy has come to fruition! Oh wait... Nothing is sexy about the WNBA; so don't even try it.

Sexy Corn Dog Vendor...Oh man, there are so many awesome jokes I could make about "wieners" and "meat handling" that I don't even know where to start.

On a side note, do you think there are any really screwed up costumes out there like "Sexy Terrorist" or "Sexy Suicide Bomber"? I was just wondering.

If anyone is curious (which you are not), I'm going as a raver. I think the most creative part of my costume is the white altoids I'm marking as "Extacy".