« Home | This is your evening news » | Motherfucker, you think you can steal OJ's shit an... » | More like Mr. Goodrock! Am I right?! » | Cut to the chase, Ashunti » | That fact is wack! » | That fact is wack! » | KFC and the struggle for victory » | Bathroom boom » | That fact is wack! » | That fact is wack! »

Stop it, God!

In an effort to eliminate unnecessary hypocrisy, I must also point out my own. In my previous post, and perhaps posts before it, I discuss my very real hatred of CNN News. However, if you've ever checked any of my hyperlinks, they are usually tied to CNN. I tried to get away from this, but the AP website is just plain awful. (How the most syndicated news organization designs the shittiest excuse for a website I haven't the foggiest.)

CNN continues to be my first source for online news for two reasons. One reason is the layout of their site and the other is that they occasionally offer incredible news stories like this one.

If you don't feel like reading the whole article, I'll give you the gist of it. Ernie Chambers, a state senator from Omaha, Nebraska, is suing God. That's right...suing God. And all I can say is that I'm glad someone finally got the balls to do it! Chambers "seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats."

Chambers isn't serious of course, this is just his way of commenting on the absurdity of lawsuits in America. I, on the other hand, am completely adamant about suing God. If this lawsuit goes through, then precedent will be set for me to finally take on the Big Man for not giving me any melanin.

You see, I got really sunburned on Saturday and it never would have happened if God saw fit to bless me with not-so-fair skin. And this isn't the first time my paleness has come into play. Nearly every day at work this summer I had to put on sunscreen in order to combat the rays of God's sun.

But it's not just the physical that pains me; it's the emotional. Every time I take my shirt off I have to hear jokes about my near ghost-like appearance. But I swear it's not my fault! I have tried to tan, only to go from white to red. And my parents aren't as fair-skinned, so I can't blame them. It all comes down to one man - well, more like one omnipotent entity. If Chambers succeeds in getting you to stop terrorism; get ready, God, because I'm coming for my melanin. I just don't know how I'm going to serve Him the subpoena.