Saturday, November 24, 2007

D is for Disorder

The NBA is back in Fort Wayne! Sort of!

I was one of the lucky dozens to witness the season opener for one of the newest NBDL (also called the D-League by those who want to make it seem cooler than it actually is) teams, the Fort Wayne Mad Ants. It wasn't the prettiest basketball I've ever seen to say the least, but it was fun to see "Hot Rod" Wilmont and Earl "The Pearl" Calloway a.k.a. The Mustache playing basketball again. The mascot is scary, the announcer is dreadful, the coach is almost nonexistent, and the cheerleaders... Well, I don't really know what to think of them.

Honestly, I have no clue. I mean, I guess they were pretty sexy, but to quote Dave Chappelle, "not in that classical way." I don't mean to sound insulting here, but I think they were the sluttiest cheerleading group I have ever seen. Maybe it was just this one girl in particular, whose name I will omit, but can be very easily found if you are so inclined. However, after the game, I was online trying to figure out how the NBDL rosters are structured when I stumbled upon the "Madame Ants" website (hyperlinked above) and found the strangest thing. The aforementioned girl, let's call her "Carly," cannot smile. It's true. I think she wants to smile, but is not able to. I am now wondering if this is some kind of disease I don't know about and if this is the case, I'd appreciate it very much if someone could educate me so I can stop laughing at her pictures.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Surprise, surprise

Thanks ESPN, for the "breaking news" update during Pardon the Interruption. You know damn well you could have broken the story during the shouting match that is Around the Horn. Or at least wait until 6:00 pm.

And let me just say how shocked I am that Barry Bonds is being indicted. Frankly, I'm surprised it lasted four years with as much time and money Major League Baseball put into investigating him. Please, there is no other way this could have ended.

You're telling me the public would have been satisfied if after FOUR years MLB just said, "We did not find any convincing evidence." That answer wouldn't have satisfied the owners or baseball's front office either because they need someone to blame for the "Steroids Era." For years all these guys sat back and ignored steroid usage because they were making millions, yet as soon as the shit hit the fan they were pleading ignorance, vowing to bring justice to those who violated the "drug policy." If you can even call "Do whatever you have to, just don't let us find out about it" a policy.

I'll admit it, I love Barry Bonds and have since I was about 6-7 years old. I have watched him progress and I have read everything about him that I can get my hands on. I can tear down any argument that says Barry Bonds took steroids and I can do it with logic, reason, and fact. However, as much as I love Bonds, I will admit that he took steroids if anyone can put together a coherent argument outside of hearsay and "the cream and the clear." (Call me crazy, but I don't think a beverage and a lotion qualify as "steroids.")

For this indictment to stick, MLB has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Bonds knowingly and willingly injected himself with steroids. Yes, injected, because part of the indictment says that he lied under oath about injecting himself with steroids. If the prosecution can do that, I will admit that Bonds is a doper, but I would really like to see how they attempt to do so.

Like I said before, I can talk for hours about Bonds' innocence, but finding someone to listen objectively is damn near impossible. I look forward to ignoring ESPN for the next few weeks as they will undoubtedly be doing what they do best...Sensationalize! If this were the 1500's, Bonds would have already been hung in the public square (Guillotined if we're in France) because of the allegations against him. And while they continue to remain allegations, not one person seems to give a fuck. Hundreds of players used steroids from the early nineties up until now (You're kidding yourself if you think the "Steroids Era" is over) and yet one man gets spurned. Justice? I don't think so.

***Note: I will be super pissed off if I hear anyone say "playing the race card." Yes, his race is a factor in this whole issue and it has been since he came into the league. Not a huge factor, but a factor nonetheless, and it's preposterous to think otherwise. This is America after all...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Even Stevphen

After some sleuthing, I have found every single "Even Stevphen" segment ("Even Stepvhen" to some) and I have to tell you, I couldn't be happier. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, back in the golden era of The Daily Show, Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert used to face off in some of the most heated debating the universe has ever seen. Since I have had very little entertaining thoughts as of late, I thought I would just share the magic. Two of the segments are not on the Daily Show's video website, but fear not, for I will place them when the time is right. Let us begin with the weather. (Click to watch the video, for some reason it won't embed.)

Friday, November 09, 2007

What I'm Watching Now

The first diss record against somebody's family member! (If you don't watch The Boondocks, you should start.)

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


So I was supposed to watch The Boondocks on Cartoon Network, but some other show, (Title not found), came on and I starting changing the channel. I stopped on LA Ink because I have seen some segments of the show and I find it interesting to hear the stories behind tattoos. However, the hefty bag of unfunny, Margaret Cho, came in to get a tattoo from Kat Von D, the star of LA Ink, and being the internet junkie I am, I decided to Wikipedia Margaret Cho. (Wow, there were a lot of appositives and/or commas in that last sentence.)

Anyway, much to my surprise, the words "awful", "terrible", "garbage", and "lame" were mysteriously absent from Margaret Cho's Wikipedia page.

Friday, November 02, 2007


I can think of few things lamer than a magician fight. Nevertheless, I would absolutely love to watch that asshole Chris (that's right, CHRIS) Angel get his nose beat into the back of his skull.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Blame the Democrats

Demo-CRAPS is more like it! Stephen Colbert has officially been denied entrance into the South Carolina primary because apparently they feel he'd "make a mockery of the political process." Are you kidding me?! The political process is a mockery of its-fucking-self! The greatest thing he can do is bring in young voters who otherwise would have no interest in the democratic process. The worst thing he can do is inject a much needed dose of reality into his fellow candidates and push them into making genuine efforts to get to know the people they are pretending to represent. Who would think that's a bad thing? Oh wait...