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Cloverfield Monster (Idea 2)

J.J. Abrams is in a calescent cauldron of controversy with his latest movie...potentially. New, imaginary reports have the monster of Cloverfield as a giant ethnic stereotype. I'm quite surprised to say the least, maybe I just expected more from Abrams. Creating a tired cliché seems beneath him.

Oh, he's Irish! Well, that's cool. Haha, crisis averted, huh?!

Apparently, Seamus McGuinness becomes enraged after Derry City loses to Liverpool and in the process of drowning his sorrows, gets lost in a brewery/scientific laboratory and drinks a genetically enhanced beer. The morning after, he wakes up at a carnival in a puddle of his own vomit next to a Zoltar Speaks machine and wishes to be big.

Still upset, he cures his hangover with a few too many, stumbles across the Atlantic, and punches the Statue of Liberty because he hates "snobby, highfalutin French chicks." New Yorkers are furious and the film quickly turns into a militaristic pub fight. This flick is chock-full of stars including Bill O'Reilly who plays the love interest. He gets fired from Fox News after praising Seamus's anti-French sentiments and, with nowhere left to turn, dreams of living in the pockets of Seamus's slacks.

The movie also stars Kevin Smith as an unskilled factory worker forced to deal with the rejuvenated prejudice against Irish Americans and the struggle to define his own heritage.

Probability of being the actual plot: 7/10
(The story is bulletproof and the cast is set, but production has been slowed thanks to a Killian's lawsuit claiming they actually pitched this story to Paramount under the name Lager's Last Stand.)