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The oldest post in the blog

I'm pretty damn sick and tired of hearing about how this prank or that is "the oldest trick in the book." It's time to decide once and for all which is, in fact, the oldest. I've narrowed the selection to five.

1) Tapping someone on the shoulder and moving to the other side - Plausible. Who can't see cavemen pulling this prank on each other...or a dinosaur. Hilarious!

2) You got something right there...WHUP! (followed by a nose flick) - Again, entirely possible. After a long day of huntering and gathering, blood is bound to be spattered about on one's person. But when it's not...WHUP!

3) Your shoelace is untied - We have our first definitive no. Cavemen "discovered" fire and the wheel (The cavemen discovered fire and circularity like Columbus discovered the Americas. We all know God actually gets the credit here.) but they did not discover laces. Metro cavemen wore sandals, the rest went barefoot.

4) Pull my finger - It's a well-known fact that cavemen loved fart jokes, but finger pulling was considered an act of aggression. Perhaps the beloved gag evolved (haha) from this ancient tradition, but as we know it today, this is not the oldest trick in the book.

5) The bait and switch - Cavemen didn't believe in advertising and/or politics. Whoever had the biggest club and could grunt the loudest was in charge. It's science.

Alright, so it's either 1 or 2. I've poured over this and have come to the logical conclusion. In order for blood to be sprayed on one's pelt, or even to obtain a pelt for that matter, the dinosaur (or man if he had a kickass pelt or tasted delicious) had to be killed first. In lieu of brute force, trickery was used.

Caveman: Ugh. UGH! (taps dinosaur on shoulder)
Dinosaur: Roar! (turns to the side he/she was tapped on)
Caveman: ERUGH! (clubs dinosaur on head from the other side)
Dinosaur: Ouch! (dinosaur dies)

For Neanderthals, this is quite a brilliant maneuver and is officially the oldest in the Book of Tricks.