« Home | So sweet it's diabetic » | S110: Letter of Regret » | Sometimes weekends are strange » | Best commercial of Super Bowl XLII » | Whaaap!! » | Nobody likes South Dakota » | Culturally sensitive writing » | Ian Poulter IS golf » | So awful it's...well, it's mostly just awful » | Even Stevphen »

10,000 B.C.

I know I'm excited to push my way through Fundamentalist Christians to see this movie! I even emailed director Roland Emmerich and much to my surprise he sent me a copy of the script! Roland made me promise not to post it online, but he, like everyone else, doesn't even read my blog! Huzzah!

Here's an emotional scene where D'Leh has just defeated a warlord who had kidnapped his love, Evolet.

D'Leh: Evolet... Is it really you?

Evolet: Yes, D'Leh, it is! I'm so happy to see you!

D'Leh: You're happy?! I am way happier than you! I thought I lost you, for like, ever!

Evolet: How'd you find me?

D'Leh: I don't even know! I was just huntin' these mammoths and shit, gettin' chased by birds, then I found this lost civilization. Oh! And this dude who totally thought he was a God tried to fight me! It was crazy!

Evolet: Oh my!

D'Leh: I know, right? It was hilarious though, I pointed my spear at the guy, turned to his subjects and was all, "He...is NOT a God!" People went apeshit!

Evolet: Were you hurt?!

D'Leh: Almost! Tic-Tic totally saved my ass back there.

Evolet: Oh, T-Squared! How is he?

D'Leh: He's doing...good, I guess. Him and Mona broke up.

Evolet: No! I really liked her!

D'Leh: She was a cool chick, alright. But seriously, T is sooooo bummed!

Evolet: Aww... We should cheer him up!

D'Leh: I tried, babe! For true! I went over to his place the other day, brought over a case o' brewskies, ya know? We were chattin' and junk, watching some Apocalypto-

Evolet: Apocalypto? Ugh...

D'Leh: What? You don't like Apocalypto? How can you not like that flick?!

Evolet: It's just too hard to get into, you know? I mean, what're they speaking? It's like gibberish.

D'Leh: That's pretty close-minded of you, Eve. It's an ancient Mayan language and it's still a big part of some people's culture.

Evolet: Sooorry!

D'Leh: What'd you want them to speak? English?!

Evolet: It certainly would have been easier to follow!

D'Leh: Come on! That'd be fuckin' retarded, babe!

Evolet: You don't have to be such an asshole about it! God!

D'Leh: I'm just saying! That would have been a really, really stupid move. It's like, you can't just sacrifice things like historical accuracy in order to appease the public, ya know? Where's the integrity?!

Evolet: Yeah, like 300 was so historically accurate! Oh, I forgot Xerxes was 24 feet tall!

D'Leh: You don't even know what you're talking about! That movie was based on a graphic novel!

Evolet: Please...

D'Leh: No, you please! How hard is it to read subtitles? I mean, you liked Pan's Labyrinth didn't cha?!

Evolet: That's different!

D'Leh: Are you fucking kidding me?! How's that different?! Name one difference! Come on, do it!

Evolet: Fine! You win, okay?! Now untie me and let's get the hell out of here!

D'Leh: (under his breath) Can't believe you didn't like Apocalypto...

haha, I am really not sure that I know what this is referring to (I'm guessing some movie that Dane would probably know about), but Alex you sure are funny. For true.

Post a Comment