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Cometh quietly or there shalt be...trouble...eth.

Due to a decline in celebrity over the past few years, Paul Verhoeven - the director of such cinema classics as RoboCop, Total Recall, and...uh...RoboCop - has attempted to regain some of his popularity. "How?" You may ask? By claiming in a new book that Jesus is but the bastard child of a Roman soldier who raped Mary.

Normally I would repeat such a thing, as it is almost too silly to be believed upon first read, but I think if I wrote it again I'd almost assuredly be punching my first class ticket on the passenger train to Hell. (Why trains? Well, it is Hell after all.)

And if I am so unfortunate as to end up in the bowels of eternal hellfire, I will seek out the impious Verhoeven, look him right in his vacant, flaming eye sockets, and ask him honestly, "Dude? What the hell is your problem? Striptease and Hollow Man? You belong here."