« Home | ThrowbacKomedy » | Olympics Update X » | Olympics Update IX » | Olympics Update *Special Edition* » | Olympics Update VIII » | Olympics Update VII » | Olympics Update *Special Edition* » | Olympics Update VI » | Olympics Update *Special Edition* » | Olympics Update V »

Disastrous movie

In order to show everyone that the new Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer movie, Disaster Movie, is not nearly as stupid as Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans, I’m going to give you a slight preview of the script. Aaron and Jason had asked me to review the script for Disaster Movie, wondering which parts I wouldn’t immediately burn. Unfortunately for them, I threw that motherfucker into a bonfire and pissed on the ashes. They drafted a completely new copy and sent me one as a thank you for all my help. No problem guys. Anytime.

In this scene, the Juno look-alike is talking to the Dr. Phil look-alike about the Amy Winehouse look-alike regarding her involvement in the recent wave of frightening disasters that have struck the city.

Juno look-alike: Um, just cause I'm pregnant or whatever, doesn't mean I can't tell what's totally going on here. It's like, did the Fraggles love doozer sticks?! Chea, I think so.

Dr. Phil look-alike: Now, what you need to do, is admit to Amy that you don't really know if she started all of this. Cause if you're gonna jump to conclusions you may as well conclude to jump on the goober tracks with the big ol' goober train a comin' through.

Amy Winehouse look-alike: (surprised the camera panned to her, throws away heroin needle) You guys! Come on! I didn't do any of this stuff! It was probably him! (points to Incredible Hulk look-alike standing nearby)

Incredible Hulk look-alike: How dare you! You're making me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry... (flexes his muscles and accidentally farts)

(camera pans to Miley Cyrus look-alike holding her nose)

Miley Cyrus look-alike: Like, aw mi gawd, dudes! That's like, totally stank! This is, like, so nawt the life!

(Vanessa Hudgens look-alike enters with Zac Efron look-alike; Hudgens look-alike is wearing only underwear and Efron look-alike has huge zit on nose)

Vanessa Hudgens look-alike: Hey, Hannah, I told you to stay away from my man! I'm the only one who sends him dirty pictures. Got it, bitch?!

(Hudgens and Cyrus get into sexy catfight and roll around on ground, camera pans to Efron look-alike and after a brief pause on his face, zooms in on his zit)

Zac Efron look-alike's zit: (in a stereotypical black voice) Aww shit, mufucka! Dat's what da hell I'm talkin' bout!

Voice: Did you forget about me? (camera swings to Paris Hilton look-alike coming down the street)

Paris Hilton look-alike: I'm still totally hot! So hot that I - Whoa! (Hilton look-alike slips on banana peel and her chihuahua goes flying over the horizon)

Chihuahua: (in a stereotypical Mexican voice) Go see my moovee, holmes! Es reely dog-gone gooood (voice fades out)

(just then, a comically old Indiana Jones look-alike enters with a walker)

Comically old Indiana Jones look-alike: I'll save you all! After I finish my game. (sits at table and starts playing mah-jongg)

Comically old John McCain look-alike: Oh! I love that game! But no time, now. Let's do this, Barack OSAMA!

(McCain look-alike, now wearing boxing gloves, turns to box a Barack Obama look-alike who is dressed like a terrorist)

Voice: Hold it right there! This is our city!

(enter Sex and the City look-alikes, only they're drag queens; sexy music plays as they walk in slow motion down the street)

(just then, a comically fat Al Gore look-alike holding two corn dogs runs through the Sex and the City drag queen look-alikes screaming)

Comically fat Al Gore look-alike: It's here! Global warming is here! Run for your lives!

(all characters run screaming down the street past a Joker look-alike)

Joker look-alike: Why so serious? (Joker look-alike glances up at oncoming global warming attack and screams like a little girl; as he tries to run, his pants fall down revealing his Batman boxer shorts)

(pan to global warming which turns out to be a giant McLovin in his trademark vest and he's lumbering down the street)

Giant McLovin look-alike: What up, gangstas?! Chika-chika yeah!

Well, I don't want to ruin the movie for you, so I'll just stop right there. You'll be shocked at what is chasing the giant McLovin! Here's a hint: she is fat, has a shaved head, is carrying a baby and singing "Stomp me baby one more time!"