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Olympics Update IX

I'm finally fully moved in! But I've missed a lot more and the closing ceremonies are almost upon us! Let's hurry!

Both USA and China are now into the triple digits! Huzzah!
USA: 36 gold, 38 silver, 36 bronze
China: 51 gold, 21 silver, 28 bronze
Other than that, Russia broke 50 medals, but no other country has. Are there even any more medals to give away? Men's indoor volleyball? (If it's already over, don't tell me who won.) Go Lloy Ball! Fort Wayne power!

You know what, the Olympics are pretty much over, fuck this number system.

-Bryan Clay wins the decathlon and legitimately earns the title of World's Greatest Athlete. And fuck you, NBC, for letting me see this much of it!

-Phil "Shrek" Dalhausser and his nearly faceless partner dominated Brazil in the third set for the men's beach volleyball gold. Just like Lloy Ball dominated in the men's indoor final! I accidentally found out they won. :(

-Allyson Felix wins gold in the 4x400 relay, thanks to an amazing anchor leg run by Sanya Richards. The US men won their 4x400 relay too, even with that slowpoke Jeremy Warner anchoring the team. The United States' 4x100 teams were too busy sobbing to watch.

-Three races, three golds, and three world records. Usain Bolt is not the new Michael Phelps; Usain Bolt is the first Usain Bolt. (He doesn't even pee on homeless people!) Look out London, Bolt's coming back for more.

-Cuba's Angel Matos, going for the bronze in Taekwondo in the 80kg weight class, was disqualified after taking too much injury time. His response? Hi-yah! He kicked the referee in the head and then started pushing around the nice, blue-blazered men who were trying to calm him down. I'd put the video on here, but I doubt it'd stay up. Just google the hell out of "Angel Matos video" and you'll eventually find it. It was a really weak kick, no wonder the guy was only going for a bronze.

-BMX racing in the Olympics? Really?! What's next, skateboarding? Dominoes?

What? You thought I forgot?!

¡Motherfuck an España! Ricky Rubio looks like Ashlee Simpson pre-nose job! Dwayne Wade in your motherfucking face!

That was but a snippet of what I was yelling last night at 4 o'clock in the morning, most certainly bothering my neighbors. That game was ass-clenchingly, heart-stoppingly ridiculous. If I see Dwayne Wade within the next week, I'm going to kiss him right on the mouth. He played absolutely out of his mind! Everybody picked up their game and thank goodness they did, because after getting a beatdown earlier and playing with injuries, those dirty, hairy, racist Spaniards made it a game. Few times this year have I been that furious/nervous. What a way to end the Olympics.

Closing ceremonies in, what, like four hours? Go Jimmy Page, go!