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Olympics Update V

Michael Phelps was on another relay team that broke a world record and won a gold medal! But fuck those other guys, Michael Phelps is the man! Whoo! Personally, I say "Big deal!" I'll be more impressed if he learns how to properly urinate. It's called a toilet, Michael, not a homeless man.

I'm tired of Michael Phelps being called the greatest Olympic athlete ever. Is what he's doing incredibly, unthinkably difficult? Yes. Is he the best Olympic swimmer ever? Yeah, I'll give him that too. I mean, he's going to come back in 2012 and win more, so why not give him the title? However, it's so much easier to win multiple gold medals in swimming because they give them away like soup at a homeless shelter. (Don't even think about it, Phelps!) It's not that I hate the guy, in fact, I too am awed by what he's doing, but I think it's best to look at his Olympic career in context instead of mindlessly stroking his cock. (And, what at this point has to be, his massive ego.)

Also, concerning the world records, it's all getting a little silly. Either stop timing the heats because these records fall like dominoes, or put some limitations on the swimsuits. If the record hasn't been broken in the last year and a half, it's going down. Simple as that.

#2: Korea showed absolutely no guts in accepting their first bronze medal. Don't even get on the stand! Fuck that piece of shit! By the way, is any other country interested in stepping up to challenge the dominance of the US and China? Maybe Russia should stop invading sovereign nations and start invading some medal stands. Australia? Don't make me laugh. And the French need to win a gold before they can even be put in 7th place. Ridiculous...

Calling all cars, be on the look out for a 20 year old white female, five feet and one inch tall, answering to Alicia Sacramone. She is charged with costing the US women's gymnastics team a gold medal. As difficult as it will be, you must resist shooting her on sight for this heinous crime (or hitting on her, because let's be serious...holy shit!)

Okay, so it wasn't all her fault, Johnson and Liukin couldn't stay inside the lines on floor either, and I would cry 10 times out of 10 if put under the unbelievable pressure any of these girls faced. And China's not exactly the worst team to lose to considering most of those girls started doing gymnastics seven to eight years before anyone on the US squad. Let's not blame the fact that not all of the Chinese gymnasts were 16 (clearly they were not) because it's a stupid rule anyway. If they can handle the pressure and the rigors, put 'em through. Hell, Nadia Comaneci was only 14 when she received the first perfect 10 in Olympic history. (Thanks, Kelly!) Sometimes you just don't get the gold. Deal with it.

The man's name is LeBron James and if the Redeem Team has any shot of beating Greece, who at this point looks like much tougher competition than Spain, they have to get him the ball. I'm not worried about Kobe, he won't shoot that poorly again, and to be honest, that whole "Angola" game was bullshit anyway. It's hard not to play down to the competition when the competition is so poor. The IOC should have just given us the win and let our guys scrimmage.

Don't expect an update tomorrow night, I need some sleep for Cedar Point on Thursday. So go ahead and don't expect one Thursday.


you know whats really funny? about a month or so ago i saw some article on the ivy league sports website about alicia sacramone because she goes to brown, and i looked her up on facebook and randomly friended her. turns out we start talking and stuff, and we've messaged back and forth probably 6 or 8 times. she wrote on my wall yesterday even. and then she goes and blows it for us. i take all the responsibility. haha

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