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Olympics Update

It's my 2nd Olympics! And it's an Olympics that actually means something no less! Eat it, Torino!

#1:The opening ceremonies of the Beijing games were mind-bendingly awesome. I enjoyed the artistic retelling of Chinese history and it was only aided by the commentators shitting on the country. During the opening drumming sequence, I only saw one guy who was late on his cues, but thankfully he was immediately replaced and escorted out of the country. Crack security staff!

#2:
The story I'm most interested in this Olympics is the Redeem Team. USA basketball finally got their shit together, but after having seen all of the exhibition games, I'm still a little nervous. It won't mean much coming from one of his biggest fans, but LeBron James has to lead the team in minutes. He's easily the biggest threat when he's on the court. And Krzyzewski, why are you coaching like you're Mike Davis? Cut it out!

#3:
All eyes are on Michael Phelps to see if he can make it through the Olympic games without peeing on any homeless people. Oh, and also because he's going for 8 gold medals. I do not think he will accomplish this feat for the simple fact that it's too damn hard. (I don't want to get legal threats -for the third time- so don't even think about denying it, Phelps. I got witnesses!)

#4:
As I get older, the female gymnasts stay the same age, which means I can't find gymnastics sexy anymore. Well, I'm not supposed to anyway. Now I guess I'll have to appreciate these athletes for their unbelievable combination of grace and power. What a gip.

#5:
In other news...

-Unfortunately, since this is the Summer Olympics, I won't get the chance to hear the Canadian national anthem very much.

-I better not catch any commentators saying "an historic..." That shit drives me crazy! I know if you look it up it'll say that since both "a historic" and "an historic" are used, each are acceptable. But let us not forget that universal truth is not measured in mass appeal. (Thanks Mr. Coronel!) "Teacher, hand me an history book please." Does that sound right to you? That's because it's not! And it never was! And it never will be!

-Watch out for pollution!

USA! USA! USA!