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An Obama presidency: Winners & Losers

Only six days remain until Barack Obama is elected as the next President of the United States of America. I am very excited. I have no doubts that America as a whole will improve, but let's be realistic and understand that an Obama victory is not a victory for everyone. Therefore, in these final days of an election season that has seemed never-ending, I will be profiling the various winners and losers of the eventual Obama nomination.

Tonight, let's look at a group who benefits greatly from the swearing in of President Barack Obama. Racists!

Believe it or not, this is the best picture I could find of a scared white lady. Google Images is slipping. But I digress...

Racists may seem like a strange category of people that profits from an Obama presidency, but let's face it, racists are a strange category of people. Numerous, yes. But so very strange. "Human beings" living in a modern world with such antiquated thought processes? I don't get it.

Granted, having a black president isn't exactly ideal for racists, they may even get upset when Obama takes his oath of office. After the initial sting, however, racists will realize that they're better off because, for them, racism will officially be over. Racists will be free to say whatever they wish, which is a scary thing for the rest of us because it appears that they already do so. And if you're brave enough to attempt an explanation on how something they said is racist, you'll hear the following.

"Listen here, son, tain't no racgism no more on account a that Mooslim feller bein' that Resident of the U.S. in A. (Digs in ear) Least he ain't no damned Romanian..."

Filthy Romanians aside, there is no comeback for that absurdly poorly structured statement. At least no comeback that will make sense to anyone stupid enough to believe that simply because a black man is president that past, present, and future injustices are null and void.

So congratulations, racists! (And yes, that includes all you closet racists who are so delusional as to think that merely not using the N word in front of black people makes you a hero.) For the first time ever, I am declaring racists winners!