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An Obama presidency: Winners & Losers

Huzzah! It's technically Election Day - although the polls have yet to open - and it looks like a clear Obama victory. What is this stereotypical college kid doing during the most important election of his life? That's right, I'm trying to think up drinking rules for election night coverage.

One drink for an Obama state victory (preceded by a "Cheers!") and two drinks for a McCain state victory (preceded by an "Ah, shit!"). I want to do something special for swing states, maybe taking turns passing out drinks each time a new "swing state" gets called for either candidate. Double the drinks if McCain wins, of course. Drink every time the word "upset" is used. That could be fun. I don't know, that's really all I've got so far.

I'm excited for the festivities, but comedians are not excited at all. Because comedians lose if Obama gets elected president, especially mediocre black comedians.


All comics lose if Obama becomes the president because nothing nowadays can turn a crowd from silence to applause like anti-Bush jokes. Anti-Cheney jokes, too. People really hate that guy. A solution to this problem is to write some pro-Obama jokes for whenever you, the comedian, get less laughter than you thought you would. I suspect many comedians will resort to this tactic.

Hit hardest are the mediocre black comedians. Why is that? Well, whenever a mediocre black comedian was in trouble on stage, he could always go to the "first black president" jokes. You know, rims on the limousine, using hip hop lingo during the press conference, bankrupting the country with his bad credit, all that stuff. That was a staple of the mediocre black comic's routine. However, in this overwhelmingly pro-Obama climate, an audience now will just look at the comic thinking, "That's ridiculous! Obama is nothing like that. In fact, that's a crude stereotype you’re invoking on a great leader and patriot."

I feel bad because the "first black president" routine was high on the mediocre black comic's "trouble list." I mean, it's practically a guaranteed laugh! I believe the routine is just below the "black people do this, white people do that" bit. Which I love, I have to say, because white people do do "that" all the time.

So I'm sorry comedians, mediocre black comedians in particular, but you're going to have to find some new material. Obama getting sworn in will signal the end of a golden age of political comedy. I hear dick jokes are still in, you could try some of those. Also, curse words. People love to hear comedians talk dirty. Ball sac.