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Hell's Barnyard

It's been a month and a half since I last posted. With that long a wait, I can't come back with just any old entry. No, it has to be brilliant. It has to make God smile.

Well, I don't know how to write anything that profound, but I do have a really, really stupid idea.

Hell's Barnyard

Farmer RAMsey: Alright, everyone, listen up! Mr. Frederick and his animals are coming over for dinner tonight. If we expect to do proper business with him, we're going to have to impress him. Are we clear?

Chicken: But Farmer RAMsey, Mr. Frederick is a fowl human being. We shouldn't be doing business with him.

RAMsey: Shut the cluck up, chicken! Did I give you free range to say whatever you want?

Chicken: No, Farmer RAMsey.

RAMsey: Then let's get to work. Anyone, ideas for the meal? Let's go around the horns. Cow!

Cow: I make the best lamb chops on the planet, Farmer RAMsey. I eat them all the time!

RAMsey: You fat, arrogant cow! Let's moove on. Duck!

Duck: Filet mignon, Farmer RAMsey!

RAMsey: Have you been hitting the quackpipe, duck?! We can't afford that! Horse!

Horse: It would behoove us to do something classy. I say duck à l'orange, Farmer RAMsey.

RAMsey: That's a foalish idea! It'd be a nightmare! Anybody care to pony up a better idea?

Sheep: Aside from the lamp chops, all of these ideas have been sheer brilliance, Farmer RAMsey. I have yet to hear a baad idea!

RAMsey: You filthy cudnt. If I hear anymore of your woolshit, I'll kick you off this farm myself! Thanks for mutton... Pig! What do you say?

Pig: Uh, maybe... No. How about... No. Oh, I know! No, wait...

RAMsey: You're boaring me, pig! Choose!

Pig: I just can't destyed.

RAMsey: You can't deswine, huh? Not bacon any progress? Well, you've hogged enough time already! Dog!

Dog: This is a ruff decision. We need to at leash consider all possibilities as valid before choosing.

RAMsey: Oh, throw me a fucking bone, dog!

Dog: What about human?

RAMsey: Are you mad, dog?

Cat: Human? That sounds purrfect!

RAMsey: All of you want to serve a human, human?!

All: Hay! That sounds wonderful!

RAMsey: Alright, but nobody tell Mr. Frederick what it is. Now go and get Mr. Jones!