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I believe in atheists

Atheists, you'd feel bad for 'em if they weren't all hellbound sinners. I'm joking of course (as far as you know) but being the empathetic person that I am, and a marketing whiz, I thought I'd offer a great bit of advice to those aligned with the Allied Atheist Allegiance - the greatest of all atheist organizations as it is the most logical. Even though for some ungodly reason it's run by sea otters...

A majority of Americans identify themselves, at least partially, as belonging to one religion or another. As a result, they absolutely hate atheists. Hate them so much! Atheists are always going on and on, "Ooh! I don't believe in God!" Or, "God? How absurd!" Is it any wonder they're lonely, friendless retards? But fear not, heathens! I know how you, too, can bask in the wondrous glow of smiles from people who genuinely care whether you live or die. And the answer is, per usual, the devil!

To be fair, I can't be certain that I'm the first person who has figured this out, but I'll take credit for it anyway. If atheists would redirect their efforts from pronouncing the non-existence of God, to the non-existence of the Devil, just imagine how many places they could go and not be ostracized! Think about it. "I don't believe in the Devil. The Devil is nothing to me!" Even Fundamentalist Christians could get behind that logic!

You're welcome, atheism.