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Uwe won't Bollieve me

Uwe "Don't pronounce my first name [You]" Boll, the man sometimes referred to as "Michael Bay without a budget," is a "filmmaker" who has brought us such video game adaptation classics as BloodRayne, House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne II: Deliverance. He's also apparently making an upcoming "movie" entitled Rampage, whose plot, according to its IMDB page, breaks down thusly...

"A man with a thirst for revenge builds a full body armor (suit) from Kevlar and goes on a killing spree."

Direct-to-video gold, I'm sure.

Regardless, the man who made you hate video games is about to make you hate something entirely different, something you never thought you'd hate even in your wildest, most xenophobic dreams. Darfur.

That's right, the man incapable of applying any semblence of human touch to a film is making a movie about the genocide in Darfur. Side note: My research indicates that the UN believes the situation in Darfur is but a conflict, as "genocidal intent appears to be missing." If you ask me, 176 pages isn't enough to make that case.

It would be an incredible feat to bore with Darfur, but I think Uwe Boll is just the "person" to do it! If you thought The Passion of the Christ glorified violence, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

But wait a minute, perhaps that's exactly what Darfur needs. Just 120 minutes of Boll's pure, exploitative brutality to scare the holy hell out of everyone. Remember how Christianity (and anti-Semitism) became popular after the release of The Passion? Well, get ready, Darfur, people are about to start caring about you! And only six and a half years after the fact!

Thanks, Uwe Boll!