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Whale Wars! Of a different sort...

Paul Watson, terrorist and Captain of the Sea Shepherd, is gonna be so pissed when his fellow guerrilla-nerds relay what has happened in Vancouver.

"Whale-watchers' ship strikes, kills whale"

It's not only true, it's fucking hilarious!

"Whale watchers on a cruise ship in Canada were stunned when they saw what was stuck to the ship's bow when they arrived at the port of Vancouver - a dead whale."

Now, I feel it necessary to point out that I am not pro-whale death, even though I think this is one of the funniest stories I've read all summer and I consider Paul Watson a terrorist. But the irony! And imagine the look on all those poor bastards faces! I can't help it!

"The vessel apparently struck the 70-ton fin whale in the ocean and unknowingly carried it wedged to the bow from Alaskan waters to the Canadian port. The adult whale was an estimated 70 feet long."

Okay, one of two things were going on at this point in the story.

1) The captain of the cruise ship fell asleep and the "Sapphire Princess" (Its real name) was under the control of a chimpanzee.


2) The ship is so enormous and was going so fast that an extra 70 tons went unnoticed.

Either way, seems pretty unsafe.

"'Basically like a train coming through, it just hits them. That bow is kind of like a spear. And once they're hit by it, it probably breaks their back, kills them almost instantly,' Craig Delahunt of Tymac Launch Service said."

Construction foreman: So how do you want us to build this whale-watching boat?

Architect: Well, I really want this baby to fly through the water. Make the bow as sharp as humanly possible!

On-hand whale expert: Uhh, guys... I'm not entirely sure-

Construction foreman: Shut up, nerd! We've got our orders!

On-hand whale expert: But the whales!

"Delahunt...said it was the third such whale-ship impalement he has seen. The skeleton from the last whale carcass is now displayed in a museum in Telegraph Cove, north of the city, he said."

What the fuck?! Are the museums building these boats as a way to ensure they're freshly stocked with whale carcasses? And why hasn't the design of the boat been modified? Paul Watson's gonna roll some heads when he backs from Japan!

I found this story in a newspaper (A what?!) but here's a link to the same story.